There should be no fears to exploring your sexuality with the help of your partner. In a few steps, you could be experiencing the sex life you may have always wanted.
Know what turns you on
Knowledge is power in the bedroom. So explore your body and what turns you on through articles, erotic stories or even pornography. You’ll get clear on what you want, what you absolutely don’t want and get answers to other questions. You may even discover new ideas along the way.
Let go of shame
Fantasies are as complex and unique as people. There is no “normal,” and our desires are often transgressive. We fantasize about roles and behaviors that defy our personalities and cultural norms (like the high-power businessman who enjoys being spanked). Exploring these taboos in a safe and consensual way can be incredibly pleasurable because they’re perceived as off-limits.
Communicate confidently
Give yourself a pep talk. Your desires are an exciting addition to your sex life, not a heartbreaking confession. If discussing your kinks casually is intimidating, try opening the conversation subtly, like mentioning you read an article, stumbled across a video, overheard someone talking or had a dream about it. If you’re feeling bold, show your partner a video or story you like. Ask about their fantasies, too.
Show compassion to your partner
If your partner reacts negatively, don’t take it personally. You’ve likely been thinking about your desires for a long time, but it might be new to your partner. Reassure them that you enjoy your sex life and want to make it even better. Then, give them time to think about it, or research together.
Explore with baby steps
Slowly incorporate your desires, rather than jumping in. It’s natural to feel awkward trying something new, but if you’re uncomfortable, stop and openly communicate about it.
Don’t expect your partner to do anything traumatizing, triggering or painful (physically or emotionally)
Pressure has no place in the bedroom. The goal is to take pleasure in exploring something new together.
Keep the conversation flowing
Desires can change over time. As you reach new levels in exploration, discuss in advance and check in throughout. Be clear about your boundaries, and open about what’s working, what’s not and what to adjust.
Lorrae Bradbury, Sex, Dating and Empowerment Coach; Founder, Slutty Girl Problems, [email protected]
